Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
