No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
