Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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