I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
