I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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