Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
