I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
