If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
