I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
