Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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