you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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