Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
