Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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