just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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