I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You pole danced in your parka.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
