FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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