yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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