I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This toilet bowl is my home.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
