yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You were trust falling into bushes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
