happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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