there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
