Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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