i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
