he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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