I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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