i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
