I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
