First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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