I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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