Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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