I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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