We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
