the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
