she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
