i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
