y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The air taste purple.
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