some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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