we're chasing vodka with high fives
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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