Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
