I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
