My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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