i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
