I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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