You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
