Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
