Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
