I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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