Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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