My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
