I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
A bitchslap is in order.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
