He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
