Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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