you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
