i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
