And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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