tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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