Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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