Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
