just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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