Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
