Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
