Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
