How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
