I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
