I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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