I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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