how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
