In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
