is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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