I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
