just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
