omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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