My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
