Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
