you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Where did you get a picture of my penis
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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