tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
