and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
