Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
