1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
