All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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