my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
