he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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