i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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