I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
