Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
