All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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