I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
